Ten Books

A (not so) recent trend that did the rounds on Facebook was the "ten books that stayed with me" list. People nominated others (for reasons beyond my comprehension) after having listed what essentially amounts to their ten favourite books, to list their ten favourite books.

Well, I apparently didn't have enough friends to be nominated for this thing, but sod it I'm doing it anyway. So here we go, late to the party as ever; ten books that have stayed with me and/or affected me. In no particular order.

Potential spoilers ahead, just so you know.

Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card [link]
This is now a film which stars Ben Kingsley and Harrison Ford, and as with most adaptations, it's not really comparable to the book. That said, it does an admirable job.
Ender's Game is a science fiction story for children, and is the story of Andrew "Ender" Wiggin as he is in Battle School for the war against an alien race known in the film as the Formics, and in the book as the Buggers. As it transpires, the author is a mildly homophobic Mormon. That being said, the book remains one of my favourites, ever since I read it in year 7. Despite being an extremely clever, extremely capable soldier, Ender is a very likeable character.
One part of this book has stayed with me without me even realising until I reread it earlier in the year. An early scene in the book involves Ender being bullied at school, and in trying to ignore it he begins to count doubles in his head; 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, and so on. I don't know how long I've been doing this for, but when I'm trying to distract myself, this is my go to method. Naturally, I can't get anywhere near the 4,194,304 Ender reaches, but it still works.


How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie [link]
The only non-fiction book featured in this list, and the only one which I am still actually reading (does that make its entry a bit of a cop out?). The book can in truth be boiled down to about thirty bullet points, but Carnegie has a wonderful collection of anecdotes with which he uses to illustrate these points. The advice given in the book so far has been thoroughly interesting, ranging from how to write a good cover letter, all the way to how to (surprisingly) come across as more interesting when meeting new people.
Even if you don't need the advice in this book (and I know many that don't), it's actually a really good read. As I said, the collection of anecdotes is very enjoyable. There are tales of US presidents, acquaintances of the author, and prolific businessmen... I've yet to be bored by this book, though it's taking me a while to get through it.


His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman [link]
Wow. Is this really a children's story? I'm fairly sure that if I'd read this as a child, I would not be capable of love as an adult. It's absolutely brutal. And also delightfully written, wonderfully imagined, and spectacularly epic. The idea of Dæmons is wonderfully interesting, and I spent a remarkable amount of time putting a lot of thoughts into my answers on this quiz to find out what animal my Dæmon would actually be. As it stands, I can't actually remember any more, so I'll have to take it again.
What I do remember is that this book is absolutely amazing, and the themes are at times exceedingly dark. Pullman is clearly not very fond of the Catholic church, and is at times not even subtle about his criticisms. All that in mind though, His Dark Materials is one of the most unforgettable stories I shall ever have the privilege to read.


The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien [link]
And to a lesser extent, The Lord of the Rings.
I remember for a long while I would see this cover in book shops and be mildly curious as to what the book was about. I'd read a passage from The Hobbit in school, and wasn't actually wowed by it at the time. However, long before The Lord of the Rings hit the cinemas, I bought the book with a view to persevering. Needless to say, perseverance wasn't necessary. I fell in love with this book from the very first chapter, and managed to read it in its entirety on the round trip to The Forbidden Corner with my family. For the few of you who haven't read the book, it is the tale of Bilbo Baggins as he goes on a journey with the wizard Gandalf and twelve dwarfs to steal gold from the dragon Smaug. Need I say more? It's a fantastic fish out of water story that delighted me as a child and delights me still as an adult. Who doesn't get chills when they read and/or hear the words "In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit."


Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell [link]
No, not that David Mitchell.
I confess that I actually saw the film before I even knew this was a book. And I loved the film; the soundtrack alone was enough to grip me. That said, like so many films, the book is far superior.

Six stories within stories, all set in different periods of history and the future. To describe it to sort of belittle it, the way it's written is just phenomenal, and sort of beggars description. Safe to say though, it's a cracker. The way the stories link together is ingenious, and each one is so different and yet so similar. I was mildly disappointed to discover that the author for not write them in the order in which they are presented, but instead just used copy and paste after having written each part individually. 

Tales of composition in Belgium, revolution in futuristic Seoul, a conspiracy in the sixties, and science in a dystopian Hawaii... It's a fantastic novel that defies genre and is genuinely a pleasure to read. 

I Am Legend by Richard Matheson [link]
Yet another book on this list which has been turned into a film. However the book is so different from the film that it doesn't really count.
Similar to Jurassic Park (further down) there's a great deal of science in this book, as Robert Neville attempts to find a cure for the vampiric pandemic that has eradicated most of the human population. This book has a wonderful mix of science and myth, as the mystery of the zombie/vampire plague is unravelled. Terrifying in places, and heart-rending in others, this book will have you on edge. The ending of the book gives the title a lot more sense than it initially appears to do, and is a satisfying end to the story.

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer [link]
Artemis Fowl is an eight book series, but it is the first one which stayed with me.
The young, Irish anti-hero Artemis is a child genius, determined to con the subterranean fairy people out of their gold. In what is billed as "Die Hard with fairies" I fell in love with Colfer's writing style (so very like that of Douglas Adams), and all of his characters. I took some sort of savage pleasure at school when people would see me reading it, ask what it was about, and saying "fairies." I devoured this book in a single car journey on the way to France, unable to put it down. Trolls, dwarfs, highly trained elvish commandos; the siege of a manor house; a single, deadly manservant; time stops... This book has everything that the eight-year-old me could have wanted.
If anybody ever asks me what book I would like to see turned into a film, it is always this one.


Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton [link]
Dinosaurs. Graphs. Science... So much science. This book, similar to I Am Legend, pulls very few punches in terms of throwing science at the reader. And I love it.
You know this one already too; dinosaurs are brought back to life for an amusement park. The pacing of the book is incredible, and each of the characters is exciting and compelling. After having come from the film to this book, I was shocked to see that Hammond (whom Attenborough portrayed wonderfully as a genial old grandfather) is actually a complete arse. The book has a tendency to get a little preachy nearer the end in terms of greed, progress, and discipline. The thing that really stayed with me is the concept that a karate master has learned the ability to kill a man with a single strike, but has also learned the discipline to not use deadly force in the process. Jurassic Park is about men using science that they don't understand and haven't earned the discipline to use. And it's fabulous.
Oh, and the dinosaurs are terrifying as well.


Battle Royale by Kōshun Takami [link]
The Hunger Games ain't got nothing on this badboy.
In the near future, Japan collapses into turmoil, and one of the ways the totalitarian government keeps control is to select a random middle school class of students, send them to an abandoned island, and force them to fight each other to the death. Violent, poignant, funny in places, scary in others. Takami throws emotions at you from all sides and just as quickly pulls them out from under your feet. The point of view of the book is constantly shifting, to the point where you even feel sympathy for the "evil" students who are doing the most killing. A masterpiece of writing, equally as fun in translation as it is in the original Japanese.
There is a film of this book, directed by the legendary Kinji Fukasaku, and although Quentin Tarantino himself has stated that he wishes he had had the idea for this film, it does the book surprisingly little justice. Check it out, I implore you!


So there you have it. Ten books that I will never forget, for one reason or another. You may now continue with your day.

I'm sorry, I'm English

I write this* on the return journey from my family's holiday in The Netherlands, which has been wonderful; silliness aplenty, boundless relaxing, and no small bit of drinking.

*and post it the day after my return... Poops and giggles, y'all.

And I come away feeling a little bit awful for being from Britain. Not because we were rowdy (though we truly were), or because we didn't appreciate Holland for all its beauty (we did), but because I don't speak a single word of Dutch... Not a syllable.

The vast majority of holidays I've been fortunate enough to embark upon have been to France, a country where I can get by with my GCSE-level, rough approximation of the French language. Whilst many of the French do resort to English once my telltale accent massacres their poetic tongue, I still feel that they appreciate the effort. It's an enormous help to be able to say please, thank you, and ask for directions to the nearest pharmacist so that I may procure a cream for my sunburn ("la soleil, la mer, je suis mal a la jambons").

Add onto that the fact that I lived in  Tokyo for a year with the sole aim of attaining fluency in Japanese. Whilst far from perfect, I could make myself understood there well enough that I rarely had to eat something that I didn't intend to order, and only got lost a few dozen times.

The point is, this is the first time in a very long time (barring a drunken weekend in Prague) that I've been in a country where the language is completely and totally alien to me. Asking for a bus ticket led me to use some bastardised German to attempt to convey where I wanted to go, and bars or restaurants have seen me give up the ghost completely and just point at what I think I want. On more than one occasion, I've had Dutch people come up and ask me something, only for me to respond with "I'm sorry, I don't speak Dutch" which doesn't quite seem to cut it. Perhaps the whole of Europe has collectively realised that the English as a people have a tendency to be lazy when it comes to foreign languages, and it seems barmy to them that anybody but the English would attempt to enter their beautiful (I can't stress that enough) country, without first learning a bit of the Netherlands-speak.

To compound matters, it seems that a large number of Dutch people speak incredible (and delightfully accented) English. Bafflingly, it doesn't bother me all that much when French people speak English to me... I imagine this is because at least in France, I've opened with French, even if I revert to English down the line. All in all though, I've come away from Holland a peculiar mixture of extremely relaxed, and mildly embarrassed. 

The simple solution, of course, would be to learn a few phrases before heading into foreign climes, but some how this holiday crept up on me in terms of preparation. As it is, in terms of blending in, I royally buggered this one up.

Next time I'll do a bit more prep to avoid being lumped in with those Brits that say "they all speak English anyway, so what's the point?", and then having to say that hideously shameful phrase; "I'm sorry, I'm English."

Telling Tales

So I've been writing short stories and fiction generally for as long as I can remember. Ever since I was in secondary school, I would come up with ideas and begin to write them down. They always petered out though, as I would lose interest, or realise that the tale I was telling was just some blatant rip-off of another author's works.

More recently, University intervened and I haven't written anything in months. Now that I am done with higher education, and as yet still on the job market (not through lack of trying, let me assure you), I am returning my hands to the world of fiction. In truth, I have had the outline of a novel in my head for the better part of a few years now, but until recently had never tried to write any of it down. When I did, I was rather stunned to see that I'd lost my touch (if I ever had it) and could not write in a way which seemed compelling to me.

I took to the Internet, for where else does one turn when in a crisis? For the budding writer there are a vast amount of resources online with which to begin, track, compare, edit, and ultimately release a work of fiction (or, I suppose, non-fiction). There are websites brimming with advice on how to get started, and the most common piece of advice was write every day. Or if not every day, then at least (they advise) on a regular basis; set yourself some time aside regularly to do some writing. And then, write anything. It doesn't need to be good, it doesn't need to be pretty, just write.

So I'm doing just that. I'm going to set aside some time every week to plan, write, edit and publish a short story for the enjoyment of you lovely people out in Internet land. Where do you go to read these wonders marvels random bits of fiction, cobbled together from a very disordered mind? Just have a look at dontgotellingtales.blogspot.co.uk and you'll see my work. I can't promise that they'll be good, enjoyable, earth-shattering, compelling, or even particularly readable. But I can promise that they'll be regular, published every Sunday for the foreseeable future.

Enjoy!

B.

A Ramble in Two Parts

I was all too recently forced to survive for 36 hours without a stable Internet connection.
I know. Brutal, right?

It's the first-worldiest of first world problems, but that's a rant for another day. Today's blog will be a ramble in two parts.

Part the First: Addict
It was early afternoon on Saturday the 22nd March 2014, and the Internet suddenly gave up the ghost. We were without a connection. Oh, our phones displayed that glorious Wi-Fi signal symbol, but connect we could not. Forced to resort to conversation and casual gaming to stave off the inevitable end of all things, but no online interaction for us.
The hours ticked by, still no fix. Using paltry signal on a mobile Internet connection, we checked the status of Virgin broadband in the area and found it to be a problem throughout the area. The estimated fix time was midday on Sunday. We could survive. After all, we had company in the evening that could distract us from our disconnecty woes.
Sunday morning occurred in a bleary mess and still no Internet. The router is turned off, and the house is vacated in favour of the local greasy spoon. The router is turned back on upon return, and still nothing. It's after midday, and we had hoped it would be fixed by now. The Virgin team now say a fix should be available by the following day.
Resorting to cleaning the house before attempting to entertain ourselves without the use of the Internet, we make it to Monday, and University. What a blessing to have something with which to distract ourselves from the woes of disconnection. After returning home, in a final desperate attempt before demanding an engineer cure us of this disease-like state, I jiggle all of the wires and restart the router once more.

O! The blinking light!
The flickering blue star
That signals the return of
the book of faces
the endless video
the electronic mail
eldritch rants and o!
the status updates
link sharing and
communication
Thank you, blue star
For leading us to our destination

Or something less tortured and marginally more subtle.

I wrote a blog almost a year ago on the subject of being addicted to my smartphone and this experience threw into harsh relief the freedom that actually comes from not being connected to the Internet. Yes, it is embarrassing how many times I crossed my fingers and hoped that this time would be the time for the router to start working after a reboot. But in between those times, it is amazing how little I cared for the missing Internet.

Part the Second: Status
Not the type of status update that Facebook quietly, but incessantly asks us for at all times. But what comes from having the very best of possessions.
It is common knowledge that I don't use Windows or Mac because I don't believe in paying for operating systems and I am quite happy using Linux thank you very much. Anybody that wants to can read about that particular little tantrum here or just ask me about computers and watch in amusement as I explode with rage that everybody thinks that Windows is the only option *ahem* I'm back, sorry.

Today I was walking through the Leeds Student Union, happily eating my English breakfast pasty and getting crumbs everywhere. My jubilation at finally filling my stomach was torn to pieces by an overheard conversation by two people of the female type sitting at a table with their laptops out. Their laptops were Apple Macs, and I'm guessing on the newer side - they were very thin, shiny, metallic... and expensive looking. Take a look on the Apple website and notice that their cheapest offering in the laptop department; £849.
Now, this is not a tantrum about how awful Macs are, or that they are overpriced, or evangelism about why people shouldn't use the operating system. I have a lot of respect for the ecosystem, and a lot of good things have come from Apple in the past decade or so.

My issue is what I heard one of these girls saying to her friend:

"Oh, I only really use my computer for the Internet."

Fantastic. You've just spent the best part of one thousand pounds to buy one of the best computers available today and only use it to check Facebook and your emails. So why do you own it? Would not a cheaper computer have suited? Google make their Internet-dedicated chromebooks, why not get one of those? It would have cost you a quarter of the price and you could have spent the remaining £600 on something like driving lessons. Or a holiday.
I'm the last person to teach about being sensible with money. My idea of good business practise can't actually be written here in case a prospective employer reads this and sees that not only am I a raving lunatic but also have literally no idea how the economy works. Suffice it to say that I think right now the best place to invest in is Russia. Or Crimea.

What it eventually comes down to, surely, is that a Mac is a status symbol? People of my generation are familiar enough with computers and technology for the "it just works" argument to be so much dung. Maybe I just don't get it. But I'll give you another example of my startlingly acute business acumen: If I were in charge of selling Apple computers, I would require each customer to submit a usage plan for their new machine that they must stick to or else. That'll see 'em right.

The Secret Hipster

Well, they say that good things come to those who wait. Whilst that most assuredly is sure of the die hard fans of Tool, Guinness, the Higgs Boson and (we hope) the Star Wars franchise, it's perhaps less applicable to this here blog of mine.

Yes, it's been a while since last I donned my helmet of Internet-based vitriol. Too long since I last hammered out my mundane thoughts into words on your screens for you to snort at in disgust. I like to tell the Internet on a regular basis that I'll "get my act together" and "be more consistent" but we both know that it's not true. Hell, you know it's not true as well. Don't you, lovely reader?

But fret not, because true to form, I'm back and it's a long one.

We're all familiar with the hit TV show Sherlock. Whether you're amongst the very small number of my friends who cannot stand the show, or what appears to be the rest of the world in worshipping the programme as some form of messiah for all BBC television, we've more or less all of us seen it. For a good many of us, we've lived the consistent two years between each instalment of the show, forgetting about it for about twenty months before the adverts start to return to our screens, minds and hearts (how good was #sherlocklives ?).

Note, this blog will contain spoilers for seasons 2 and 3. You have been warned. If you've not seen the TV sensation that is BBC's Sherlock, go and watch it all and come back when you're done. Go on. I'll wait. I'm writing this in smallprint, because hey. What's life without whimsy?

The Confession
I am getting slowly more annoyed with how popular Sherlock has, is and will become. Those of you who I've condemned as hipsters to be first against the wall when the revolution arrives will have to pause now after reading that to calm yourselves. Perhaps you'd like to adjust your ridiculous glasses, and rebutton the tweed jacket that you've just torn off in disgust. That's it. Now take a refreshing sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon and we'll get back on with the preceedings as though I've not just confessed to being a massive hypocrite and I'll explain.

Where was I? Ah yes!

I am getting slowly more annoyed with how popular Sherlock has, is and will become. When the first season came out, it did so quietly and unassumingly. Much like the rest of British culture in that respect. After three weeks, Sherlock went away again and the world went about its business. Two years later, we experienced the rush all over again.
Perhaps you, like me, had prefaced the glorious return with a marathon of the first season. And like me, mayhaps you introduced a friend or six to the phenomenon. Lather rinse and repeat for the third season. Only this time, all of your friends have introduced Sherlock to five or six of their own friends. You involve them in your marathon of the first two seasons (nine hours in one go... Don't you have anything better to do?) and then gorge yourselves on the offerings of the third.

And herein lies the problem.

You, dear reader, like me (I imagine) watched Sherlock from the off. We have from the very outset, been used to having to wait two years between each new instalment of Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat's retelling of the tale. We don't mind this wait. In fact, we relish it a little. Time to mull over some of our favourite scenes. Time enough to discuss in hideous, sickly detail exactly why the angle at which Holmes jumps from the roof explains his miraculous survival. We are the lucky ones.
It's the people we introduced - foolishly, with hubris in our hearts - maybe even the second generation of fandom that we helped to create are similarly lucky. They too have had the two years' wait to find out precisely what happened to Sherlock and whether or not he was wearing a parachute that blends into the colour of the building behind him as he fell *ahem* sorry, getting distracted there. Except, we all know that's how he really survived.
No, it's the people that we all introduced just before the third season that are the problem. These people, who watched all six episodes on Netflix or through slightly more illegal means. Who perhaps only had to wait a week, a few days, or even a few short hours before finding out what has become of our beloved sociopath. They have been spoiled.
They have not learned the patience that you and I, dear, beautiful, wondrous reader, have learned.

The Internet it seems, is overflowing with articles, blogs, comments, podcasts and videos discussing the future of Sherlock. As well they should. After all, it is one of the BBC's triumphs! But it is the slightly dispondant, demanding, desperate, dunder-headedly deserving way in which these are written and spake, that truly sparks my ire. All of them seem to centre around the theme that the fourth part of the saga will not be with us until 2016, and that this is too long of a wait. All of them are just obsessed with the fact that it will take two more years to release the equivalent of three films. Never mind the fact that both of the star actors now have huge roles in major franchises, or that the writers have other projects to keep them in BMWs, fancy restaurants and Armani suits (I'm just guessing at these. In my head, writing something as successful as Sherlock means that they must be richer than Bill Gates by now).
No, instead they whine at how two years is such a long wait. And lets face it, I'm not nearly as eager to see how Moriarty survived as I was to see how Sherlock had. My point is, that when I read such articles as these... I find myself thinking "God, I wish Sherlock weren't so popular... I liked it back before it was cool to think Benedict Cumberbatch is sexy and Martin Freeman looks distressing with a moustache."

It's at that stage that I find something decidedly conformist to do and join the masses in reading A Song of Ice and Fire after it became cool.


As I write this, sitting in my linen, festival clothes, sipping at a vodka-laced hot chocolate, it occurs to me that I'm probably not the first to talk about, write down, or even think about this... But bronze is important too guys. And as with this blog itself, as well as the subject matter; better late than never.

Nosy, nosy Internet.

So taking a break from my usual sulky, petty, whining rants about why perfectly good things aren't up to my pathetically high standards; the stress of trying to find gainful employment for when I leave University; and (most importantly) from the final bit of coursework for this semester, I'm going to take the lead from my good friend Liam.
He's just started his own blog, (over on WordPress, the posh git) and it's good and entertaining... More so than mine, in fact. If you point that mouse of yours up to "Linky Goodness" and look for FallenGeco in that list, I (and I'm sure he) would be very grateful.

In any event, his most recent blog was a sort of adaptation of a YouTube trend that makes the round every year or so, where vloggers answer a string of questions (comically where possible) and share the video. They then ask their vlogger friends to create a response, and so it spreads.

Well, I don't do videos, because of the way my face looks:

What are you wearing?
A sexy black négligée.

Ever been in love?
Yes. Haytham Kenway was a wonderful man.

Ever had a terrible breakup?
Turns out he was a Templar. There's just no forgiving that.

How tall are you?
Like Peter Parker, I hunch.

How much do you weigh?
Don't tell my mother.

Any tattoos?
Not as yet. (If you are of a parental persuasion, that's pronounced "I would never!")

Any piercings?
I used to have my ears pierced, but now I'm relegated to just two piercings. (Again, if you're of a parental persuasion, that's pronounced "I don't really like them, and they'll probably go the same way as my ears")

OTP?
Urban dictionary tells me that this is a term used to describe a pair of people that are perfect for each other in fiction.
... Robert Frobisher and Rufus Sixsmith. Work that one out.

Favourite TV show?
Kill La Kill.
   DEM OUTFITS!

Favourite bands?
This is a LONG list. I'll just advise you to listen to something you won't likely have heard before... Here: linky linky linky

Something you miss?
Oat krunchies. Little pillow-shaped oat cereal. Was there anything better?

Favourite song?
The one that currently has the most plays in my library is Roll the Woodpile Down.
Side note to my family: bet you never saw that coming, did you?

How old are you?
Raef is ten years older than Émile. Brian was born eighteen months after Émile. If Brian was born in 1992, how old - balls.

Zodiac sign?
Leo, in the year of the monkey.
Rwar.

What do you look for in a partner?
I work well both in a team and on my own. Oh, you don't mean in the workplace?

Favourite quote?
"A small pie is soon eaten"
   - Alan Davies

Favourite actor?
Alex Leece.

Favourite colour?
I once did a personality test in which we were asked to name two things that have the colour of our favourite colour. Only afterwards did they tell us that the words we said define our characters...
Fire and blood.

Loud music or soft?
If other people can't hear it, what's the point in earphones?

Where do you go when you're sad?
Middle earth, via Westeros. Usually travelling by TARDIS.

How long does it take you to shower?
Longer and longer whilst the bathroom gets colder and colder.

How long do you take to get ready of a morning?
Morning? What's that?

Ever been in a fight?
Probably. For some reason I come across as a little annoying.

What do you find attractive? (Reworded for a PG audience)
Violinists.

What do you find unattractive?
Old violinists.

Fears?
I laugh in the face of fear!

What was the last thing that made you cry?
Maia standing on my testes.

The last time you said you loved someone?
I probably said it a lot on Sunday. I was very drunk.

Meaning behind you username?
Bill is the short form of William, coming from the German Wilhelm meaning determined protector, and O'Dwyer is an Irish surname meaning of dark hair. The Internet doesn't like the apostrophe, but I think it looks refined.

The last book you read?
The Very Hungry Caterpillar in Japanese.

The book you're currently reading?
Jurassic Park... Clever girl.

Last TV show you watched?
Franklin & Bash

The last person you spoke to?
My housemate/husband.

The relationship between you and the last person you sent a text to?
He's my favourite actor.

Your favourite food?
Lion bars. And if I run out of lion bars... I'll speak to the people that make lion bars, and get more lion bars.
RWAR.

A place you want to visit?
Space.

The last place you were?
Look, I get that you're just an Internet quiz, but this doesn't make any sense. Standing next to my desk chair before sitting upon it?

Do you have a crush?
So help me, if Viggo Mortensen ever finds out, I'll be really embarrassed.

Last time you kissed someone?
Like I say, I was really drunk on Sunday.

Last time you were insulted?
Taking this quiz. It's pretty invasive.

Favourite flavour of sweetie?
I've already said: lion bars. Lion bar flavour.

What instruments do you play?
All of them. Not very well. In some cases pretty damned shitly, to be honest. But all of them.

Your favourite piece of jewellery? 
My watch. It's the only thing strangers ever seem to compliment about me. Other than my négligée, that is.

The last sport you played?
Train-catching. Try it. Assume you're going to make a connection at any British railway station.

Last song you sang?
Star of the County Down. Another shocker for the family there. I bet you think I've grown out of all that ridiculous metal, don't you? I can tell, you know.

Favourite chat up line?
"Excuse me, but you owe me a drink. You see, I saw you and dropped my first one."

Have you ever used it?
All the time. I get all the girls, I get all the girls.

When did you last hang out with someone?
Minus forty minutes ago.


Well, that was fun, wasn't it? I bet you all feel so much better for knowing that about me.
If you read this, I choose you Siobhan Grennan! Respond, wench, RESPOND!

EDIT: And respond she did! Check it out here!

Why I Hate Windows 7

I write this sitting in my parents' dining room, using their computer. It's a good computer: i3 processor, 3GB of RAM so it shouldn't be slacking.
Why am I using it? My Dad has a rather good collection of CDs that I want to add to my own digital library (using Google Play Music - check it out if you like being able to access your collection from anywhere in the world) so I went to copy them and add them. Here we go.

Dear Windows 7,

I am writing to tell you that I do not like you, and the various array of needless complexities that make you so damnably difficult to use. You may believe after reading my letter that I don't give you enough credit, Mr 7, and that I am biased towards a (what you might consider) more complex, or less user-friendly way of doing things. You may also find that I am angry not specifically at you, but at the various organisations who create applications to be used within you. Unfortunately it would take too long to enumerate each of these fools individually, so I'll instead just use you as an umbrella term for these people.

You are a pretty thing, Mr 7, there's no denying that. The way your transparent borders and animations work are subtle but delightful. As a user of Linux-based systems on a daily basis, I am very much in favour of eye-candy. Making my computing experience look good is something that I enjoy doing, and you did the work for me and came up with something beautiful. For an operating system that one pays in excess of £50 for, one's workflow is (or should be) just as good, if not better than an operating that is completely free and does not have a multi-million pound corporation filled with designers behind it. And I'd say that you've more or less hit that on the nose.
A quick shout-out to Apple here as well: iTunes 11 is considerably better than I first gave it credit for and feels much less bloated and slow than previous iterations.

Sadly Mr Windows 7, the praise ends here. In trying to achieve my task of copying some CDs and then uploading the files to a cloud storage service, you took so woefully long to do this, and were so incredulously obtuse about it that I am forced to be relieved that I only use you for gaming any more. Let me tell you what happened...
Not wishing to confuse and disorder my Dad's own music library and so forth, I created a guest user account with which to achieve my goals. In this process I decided too to try to use Windows-only products, approaching the situation as a new user on a clean installation.
Logging out of my Dad's account (which took longer that it ought to because Spotify demands that it stays open at all times and delays the shutting down process considerably), I accidentally turned the computer off because for whatever reason, you don't assume that I want to log out of one the three users on the computer, no. You assume that I want to shut down the machine and go through the lengthy process of switching it on again - despite the computer's high(ish) spec, for some reason you deem it acceptable to take more than 30 seconds to boot up.
I log into the guest account and I am greeted by a fresh (and almost) blank desktop. Only a couple of icons are there: iTunes and the recycle bin. The taskbar along the bottom has Internet Explorer, My Documents, the Welcome Centre and Windows Media Player. Delighted at how easily you've presented me with the tools that I need, Windows, I click the icons for Internet and Media Player.
The machine whirs and the Internet appears (my, how much Internet Explorer has come along). I minimise the window and wait for your media player to open. I am shortly greeted by a dialogue asking me if I would like to set it up with the default settings. I find this a little baffling, as surely it was set up already when the user was created? But no matter, I allow you to do your thing and insert my CD into the drive.

I wait.

And a bit more.

Nothing happens.

Confused, I search for your menu but come up blank. Finally realising that I have to right-click to access the menu that had for whatever reason been hidden, I navigate to the "play" section only to see that the "Play CD/DVD/VCD" option is unclickably greyed out. Confused, I seek the almighty knowledge of Google (but I correct myself: you want me to use Bing! don't you, Mr 7?). But when I summon up the Internet from its minimised state, I find that I am greeted by nothing but blank pages and error messages. It seems that a number of add-ons want to be enabled, and that three (yes, three) distinct toolbars are vying for my attention under the address bar. I can only assume that all this desperation to grab my attention first has caused the application to crash. I take it back, Internet Explorer: you may have received a makeover, but underneath you're still ugly as sin.
Forced to kill the process rather than just exiting the Internet (because apparently being able to close a crashing program in the normal way would be too easy), I am struck that as a guest user I shouldn't really be allowed access to the processes that are running, much less killing them. In any event, I restart Internet Explorer, and the same thing happens, only this time I am able to tell a few of the add-ons that I don't want them, and cast their dejected forms back to the pits that spawned them. I repeat my previous actions: click the exit button, no joy. Open up the task manager (I still remember the Ctrl+Shift+Esc combination! Do I get some credit for that, Mr 7?), find iexplorer.exe and end it like a bitch.
After three more attempts, after which I have gone no further than being able to type the address of my preferred cloud storage site, and it crashing in the loading process, I give up on Internet Explorer and try to find Google Chrome. I know it's on the computer, since I've used it on my Dad's account. But no, it would seem to have been installed at the user-level, as opposed to a system-level. Being unable to access an alternative browser, and unable to download an alternative because of the shortcomings of your default browser, Windows, I am forced to think that you just don't want people to use you. Perhaps you just want to sit there and look pretty, and make no contribution to anybody's work?
Well screw you. I log out, into my Dad's account and reinstall Google Chrome at a system level (which is not immediately obvious as to the method, apparently Google don't trust Windows users to get it right...) and then log back into the guest account.
At this stage, Mr 7, I've lost my rag with you and just go to use iTunes instead. After another inexplicable "set-up" screen and a rather lengthy installation process (wasn't iTunes already installed) I finally get to the stage of being able to copy CDs into the library. Hurrah.
Part way through this process, several things tell me that they require updates - Java, AVG, Adobe Acrobat Reader and iTunes amongst them. I allow the updates, and then endure each app telling me individually that the computer requires a reboot for each update to work. WHY? WHY? Updating a media player shouldn't require the computer to have to go through a damned reboot! This, Windows, is not the fault of these third party applications. I am more than certain that this is your fault. I don't know how, I don't know why. But I imagine that each of these companies would rather that their users didn't have to reboot after every tiny update. Just sayin'.

Finally, the process of ripping CDs is finished. Here again, I compliment Apple on doing a stunning job. These CDs, I'm fairly sure, aren't even available to buy any more, and it still comes up with the track listing, and all the relevant details. Bravo!
My final problem then, Windows. Browsing through the guest account's folder is apparently very difficult. First of all, to get to a view of each subfolder, rather than just a list of 4 libraries (I understand what you're trying to achieve here, but really. Let's dispense with it and just let people view their home folder, shall we?) I have to go through the start menu, rather than just click the icon you so graciously gave me on the taskbar.
Next, and this is probably more Apple's fault that yours, I have to go through a rather foolish amount of folders to actually get to the mp3s: My Music > iTunes > iTunes Media > Music or something of that nature. I'm writing this part on a separate machine so I can't be certain. But rest assured that the folder structure was needlessly complex, especially for something that is a user's personal data. It should be as simple or as complex as the user requires.

Basically, Windows... You suck the big one. Upon my return to my Ubuntu machine, I can undergo the same process and be done in a matter of minutes, whereas you forced me to take more than an hour to copy 4 CDs, Mr 7. That is unforgivable.

So take care, Mr Windows 7, and I wish you all the success in the world. I hope that your race to the bottom to make your user experience as simple as you can doesn't backfire on you.

Yours sincerely,

A recently validated Linux user.

Why I Hate ___

I've been thinking of interesting stuff I want to do with this blog for some time now. Other than just the occasional and random update on my life - which let's face it is interesting to all of about twelve people - I find myself not really having much of actual interest to say.

So, I therefore decided to write a series of blogs entitled "Why I hate ___". Basically I'll try to be funny about things in my life that have aspects that I dislike (but as I was taught in Year 9: when writing for impact, always go with hyperbole and exaggeration; hence, "hate").* I cannot guarantee that it'll go well, or be even remotely funny. But the idea has been fermenting in my mind like the tea on my desk (perhaps the two are connected and I ought to continue letting the mould grow...) so bugger it.

I have a few ideas about things I could write about but would welcome suggestions and/or requests from anybody that sees this.




*In Year 9 for English we had the delightful Mrs Quayle teaching us, my fellow Holy Family survivors will probably know of her prowess at teaching. In any event, one of our lessons saw us reading a newspaper article about a dog attack, with certain words removed and options provided for what word would best suit the situation. The one that sticks in my mind was from the headline: "Woman ___ by dog" and our options were a) bitten, b) attacked, and c) savaged. I chose b whereas the rest of the class (who may have understood the task better than I did, I'm not sure) elected c as the most suitable answer. I accused them - and my teacher - of fomenting sensationalism, and being basically what keeps people reading such papers as The Sun or the Daily Mail. I'm not sure I deserved that detention.

Well Folk Me Sideways!

Good golly gosh!

I've never been to a music festival before, but I finally made it to one this year. They say that you always remember your first time and phwoar! Cambridge Folk Festival 2013, what a way to take my festival virginity. Plenty of alcohol was consumed (to the point where the festival was drunk completely dry of cider) and lots of antics were had.

Particularly brilliant moments included befriending some Norwegians at 2am on Saturday morning, before wandering off to find a session happening (which my big bro was taking part in); a young magician about the age of nine wandering the crowds and wowing us with some pretty swish tricks and patter; crouched handstands; and a midnight kebab.

Musical highlights were:

Bellowhead were the band I was most excited to see for the entire weekend; and they definitely did not disappoint! (Well, maybe a little... They didn't play my favourite song)

Undoubtedly the group favourite for the weekend: Four Irish fellas playing some amazing tunes with banjos, mandolins, a bodhran and a fiddle at points too... Saw them twice!

Utterly astounding guitarist, best player I've ever seen bar none. Being just one fellow and a guitar, his set was a little avant-guarde at points but folking hell was it good! An inspiration to listen to.


Where to begin? My uncle found us whilst this lot were playing and wandered past saying "I've just seen a young Seasick Steve!" I found myself on my way to see them, unsure what to expect but was totally blown away. The amount of sound coming off these three people was insane! And as the bearded wonder was keen to mention: they had no need of a bass player: all of the bass was played on the guitar at the same time. Incrediballs. (Incidentally, see 0:37 for the afore-mentioned handstands)

A folk quartet from Quebec, they were infectious to listen to. The foot-stomping violinist was awesome and you never see a hurdy-gurdy solo these days...

The amazingness of the weekend can be summed up by the fact that I was ready to commit to Cambridge 2014 within four hours of having arrived.

Result.

My aim for next year: become proficient enough at the guitar and whistle (and probably some other stuff too) to be able to find a session and just go nuts.

Addicted

I will admit that I am just as addicted to my smart phone as the next person. It does all that I could want, and more. It even provides me with an outlet for my penchant for hacking and customising all technology that I come into contact with, all because I'm vain enough to think I know better.

Having owned a smart phone since August of 2012, essentially as soon as I returned from Japan, I have rarely been without it. There was a difficult moment on a plane returning from Prague when the battery died and I was forced to read the in-flight magazine (and discovered much about salt: an epicure's delight). Aside from that, I can't think of a time when I haven't had it on me.

Of course, addiction to my smart phone is more than just that: it's the connectivity, and it's the convenience. Where once I would just use my phone to make calls and send texts, I can update Facebook or Twitter on the go, take high quality photos, check my email, catch up on my RSS reading, search for "useful" information, and all the rest.

And I can't stop.

It has long since stopped being a convenience to check Facebook or my email from the palm of my hand; it has become an obsession. I don't want to have to wait until I can get to my ageing laptop to check my emails or read the next pseudo-intellectual post on Facebook (which, once again, I am guilty of). I don't want to be without the convenience of Google in my pocket, which could mean I get lost trying to find the sorting office in Leeds, or look stupid by not knowing when the Cold War ended.

When I first arrived in Japan I saw many of my fellow exchange students lamenting the loss of their smart phones, and I mocked them. I was astounded to hear them say the words "but what will I do without Google Maps?" or "if only I had my phone, I could Google [Liam Neeson's height]..." How little I knew! I too have become a slave to the convenience of instant access to the Internet. The sorting office? Found it. The Cold War? Ended in 1989 (or 1991 depending on the source).

Before I owned a smart phone and was cursed with easy Googling privileges, I was forced to sketch out a map to somewhere I'd never been before, or get lost, or (and this is the scary one) interact with another human being. Sketched maps are fun, getting lost is how adventures start, and interacting with new people is how crazy stories happen. If I didn't know the date of the end of the Cold War, I'd probably not even have cared enough to find out later, and just been happy in my ignorance. But now I'll find out, just because I can.

Months ago, I went to the theatre to see Doctor Faustus, and I really enjoyed it. But something happened during the interval that scared me: 90% of the audience that didn't go to get a drink or a bite to eat pulled out a smart phone and began checking what had happened on Facebook, Twitter or whatever. I'm ashamed to admit that I did the same. A whole ninety minutes had passed and I had to know what had happened whilst I'd been disconnected.

As it is, when I realised that I had just joined the herd of addicts, I pocketed my phone and went wandering off. It's become a subconscious thing to just pull out my phone and check it when long enough has passed since the last time I looked at it.

And I hate it.

I hate that I'm addicted to my phone. I hate that I can no longer wait until the end of my day to check my emails, Facebook and catch up on all the blogs I follow. And I hate that every time I convince myself that I should spend some time just using an ordinary mobile phone, I can come up with genuine justifications as to why my smart phone is more necessary to have:

• LINE/WhatsApp won't work, and some people only talk to me via LINE/WhatsApp
• What if I get an urgent email/Facebook message?
• What if I want to take a picture of something?
• I don't have any taxi numbers stored in my phone
• I won't be able to listen to music as I go places
• I can't look up Japanese words I don't know
• I'll have to remember where my lectures are
• I won't be able to use a constantly updating, GPS-enabled map to find my way

Some day soon, I'll disconnect. And I'll feel better.

What I'm Listening To
      Go and 'List For A Sailor by Eddy O'Dwyer
My big brother's most recent album. It's a good 'un too! Check it out if you haven't done already... I can guarantee that there is something on here for everyone. Go and listen to it before he gets famous and you can say you liked it before it was cool!

A Fiery Death on Evil Train Conductors

This began as a rant on the book of faces but quickly became too long. Enjoy.
Disclaimer, there are more than a few swears below...

Until you have seen a train that is so packed you cannot move to the extent that you don't need any kind of hand rail, and for about five consecutive stops lets on at least triple the amount of people that get off... Then and only then will you be able to say that your train is too crowded.
I don't care what crap you've been through today, I don't care what rules you have to follow: the door was open, there was space for at least another five people (who could've moved down the God damned train!) and you chose to be a pretty man and refuse me entry.
But do you know what? I can even understand why you did that. After all, every job has its awkward rules that we have to follow... But compounded by the fact that I was already late, clearly sprinting to get on the train and then refused entry; you've just earned yourself the top spot on my death list by saying "it's only half an hour until the next train, you can get on that one."
If I am running for a train at literally the fastest pace I can manage, with speed blur and general awesome in my wake, do you not think I have a GOOD FUCKING REASON TO BE ON THE TRAIN THAT IS NOW, NOT IN HALF AN HOUR?!
What if somebody I love had been in an accident and I needed to get to the hospital with all speed? What if I was heading for the job interview of my life? What if there was a deadly computer virus about to wipe out computers everywhere and I was the only one who could stop it?
The overwhelming odds are that none of these would be true, but if they were, on your head would it be, Mr arsehole conductor.
And maybe I was in the wrong, maybe I should've arrived in Leeds just a couple of minutes early?
No. I got to Leeds as fast as I could, riding a train that had been delayed by 8 minutes.
Northern Rail: get your fucking shit together.

Humble Bundle for Android 5 - A review

So for those of you who don't know what the Humble Bundle is, it's a collection of games free from Digital Rights Management (DRM) that for a limited time you can buy for whatever price you feel. You can choose where the money you pay goes, be it to the developers of the game, the people who organised the bundle or to a couple of different charities. So it's for a good cause too :) You have the games forever and can install them on Windows, Linux, Mac or Android so basically all of your options are covered!
As an added bonus, when you buy the games you get the soundtracks for at least some of them!

I've been playing these games on my Nexus 7 tablet, since my laptop isn't all that powerful for gaming. A slight disclaimer: I've not done a thorough try-out of each game, since the humble bundle is a limited-time offer, and if by some chance I manage to convince you to get it, you'll have time.

Beat Hazard Ultra
This is one of the best concepts for a video game I've ever seen! It's a twin-stick shooter, powered by music. You can use the in-game music or your own music to power your spaceship's weapons and collect power-ups as well as cash. It's not a game to relax to: as it's quite tense and sometimes the interface of a touch-screen is a little difficult to manage, but through all that it's amazing!
You can get a lot of variety by using different songs, and it's really entertaining seeing which of your favourite songs are powerhouses of space-shippy goodness. The perks system keeps it fresh too, allowing you the fun of more weapons or of trying to get a higher score.
The warning as you open the game of strobing effects is dead on: the more powerful your weapons, the more bright, flashing lights that explode across the screen.

8/10

Dynamite Jack
I've not played through as much of this as I'd like, but it's not a bad game: Escape from enemy-filled mines by blowing holes in the walls of the mines and distract guards.
It's a fun game, but it gets old fairly quickly.
The controls work well on a touch-screen, and the soundtrack is exciting.
I think I'll play through a bit more of it, but I don't know if I'll play it to the end, it doesn't really grab me. I really like the function of building one's own maps and sharing them online. You can play community-designed maps as well, so there's plenty to do even if you complete the built-in levels.

6/10

Solar 2
Easily my favourite game of this bundle. Start playing as an asteroid, floating through space. Increase your mass until you can become a planet, and then a life-bearing planet. Upgrade your way to a sun, neutron star and eventually even a black hole. Or remain as a life bearing planet and try to dominate the galaxy. As a star, try to accumulate as many planets bearing life as possible and take on other solar systems. Become a binary system, tertiary or even quandiary system!
Take on challenges set by the mysterious narrator, or just follow your own agenda, the choice is yours. Unlock God mode and extra physics options to put a different spin on the game.
The soundtrack is really chilled out and the game-play is magnificent on a touch-screen. This is a fantastic game to just chill out with, as it has the perfect amount of challenge to it.

9/10

Nightsky HD
I'm not sure what to make of this game... It looks like one of these "video games as art" sort of things, which I am totally OK with. The black-and-white-with-hints-of-colour is a delight to look at, and the game is nice and easy to play. The scroll-to-control mechanic. whilst not unique or original feels perfectly natural in this context, and it works tremendously well. The tutorial is very well executed, introducing things at just the right pace to keep it interesting.
Fiendishly addictive, you'll find it hard to put down. Whether or not the introductory story is going to be of any relevance has yet to be determined, but it's not the reason I'm playing.
Replayability is quite good, as the game offers an "alternative" mode for second playthroughs. This isn't really the sort of game that you can just pick up and play, nor is it the sort that you can just play for a few minutes to kill time...

7.5/10

Just to note, the next games can only be accessed by paying more than the average price (which at the time of buying is sitting at $6.82, or about £5)

Splice
An addition from a previous bundle, Splice is a game that you won't forget. I've not played anything like it before, though I don't doubt that there are similar games out there. It's a puzzle game and you control a molecule, trying to get it to split and morph into the desired shape. The piano soundtrack is gorgeous and the game just looks fantastic. This one will have you shouting at the screen in no time at all, but it feels brilliant when you beat a puzzle that's been irking you for hours.
The game offers little in the way of handholding, which depending on your outlook can be a good or a bad thing. Another good "time-killer", I find this a really good game to play whilst on public transport.

7.5/10

Super Hexagon
This game is absurdly difficult and before longs starts messing with your eyes. Just control your little triangle through the spinning maze of hexagons that will end your game if you touch one... Playing on the easiest difficulty, my best time is only about 18 seconds. Addictive as hell, you'll be promising yourself that "this time will be my last time" over and over as you try to improve on your best score.
Bright colours and frantic spinning, this game is good-looking but not easy to look at. This makes for another good time-waster, so approach with caution!

6/10

Dungeon Defenders
This is a huge game. From the looks of it, it was originally a PC game, but has been ported to work on touch devices. Sometimes the touch interface feels a little less than intuitive, but by and large it works well in this medium. This is a tower defence game with plenty of RPG elements to it. It looks great and performs really well (I like the option to tweak the graphics for better performance).
It takes a while to install, as it has to download a ton of data the first time you play. Don't be put off though: you'll get to play a game that can be played online with other enthusiasts, or alone to level up your hero and hone your skills. The learning curve is a little steep, but RPG old hands will be in familiar territory.
The cut-scenes and graphics are just beautiful and the soundtrack is good fun too. You'll be addicted in no time, but this is most definitely not a game for the casual gamer.
A slight niggle that I have is the in-game purchase option: you can buy in game cash by using real money from the real world. Lots of games do this, which is something that I tend to disagree with. Purchasing items like pets or potions from the in-game shop isn't cheap, so to get ahead, one has to spend real money to buy imaginary money to buy imaginary tools. I understand why it's a thing, but I don't like that it is.

8/10

Crayon Physics Deluxe
This is another one that's a repeat from a previous bundle. I haven't done much with this game as yet, but it's good fun.
Visually, Crayon Physics stunning and the soundtrack is nice and chilled. The game looks as if it's been drawn on brown paper with crayons (who'd have thought it from the title?) and involves collecting stars with a little red ball. Using your finger as a pencil, you have to get the ball to the star by drawing lines, boxes and other such objects.
A really nice game to relax to and the level editor option is a nice add-on too.

7/10

Sword & Sworcery EP
I just don't think I get this game. But then, I've never really been into point-and-click (or in this case tap) adventure games. The concept is really good, but the twitter-integration is a little strange. I suspect this is another "work of art" but like most art that isn't a picture or a painting or a sculpture... I just don't understand it. I first played this on my computer, but it works so much better in the touch medium.
It only takes about half an hour to finish, but the point isn't to complete it as quickly as possible.
The soundtrack is intriguing and the minimalist design looks really nice.
This is an adventure game through and through, and it definitely has an air of mystery about it... The quirky story-telling is entertaining, and I think I'll come to enjoy it the more I play. For now though, it's not for me.

5/10



Head over to https://www.humblebundle.com/ to buy your humble bundle, play some games and give a little to charity! Let me know what you think of these games in a comment below :)

NB. At the time of writing this bundle has a little over 5 days left on the clock, so act fast if you want to  get yours!

Facial hair

So my foray into the realm of growing facial hair has come to an end. Genetics have failed me and the sporadic growth that I didn't so much as trim for two months came to be about 2cm long and as scraggly as you like. It didn't look great.
However, in the various Skypings (you know who you are!) I did whilst having this potential home to all kinds of unpleasant wildlife on my chin, the quality of the picture did make it look like I had a much more luscious beard. This led me to two potential solutions:

1) Never shave my "beard" again, but also never leave the house and conduct all future social interactions via Skype.
Not actually a bad idea, I wouldn't have to venture out into the cold and I could continue lying to myself that the vegetation on my chin actually looked good.

2) Shave off my "beard" and carry on doing so until such time that I can cultivate a much grander specimen.
Probably the best option, since one of my New Year's Resolutions was to take more pride in my appearance...

So, congratulations to all who raised objection time and again to the vegetation on my face: you have succeeded once more in persuading me to shave it all off. Yes, I'm looking at you Elsie.
Actually, in a sporadic fit of passion, I took the electric razor to it on Sunday night, so I can't actually provide photographic evidence of how terrible it actually was! Oh well!

See you next time!
x


What I'm Listening To
     Do Me A Favor by Stone Sour
I discovered Stone Sour properly just before they released their last album (A House of Gold and Bones Part 1). The album is just amazing. It's not for everyone, since the metal is strong with this one. Part 2 to the album is coming this April, and the song above is the first single. I only just found out that it's available, and I like it the more I listen to it. The metal is not so strong as the rock with this one, but it's still damned good! The only problem is that when watching the above video (that's a link up there if you didn't realise) I get really confused over the American spellings of most of the chorus... It's kind of annoying!
What I've Been Watching
     Should You Eat Yourself by Vsauce
There'll be a blog coming soon with my favourite youtubers (thanks to Siobhán for the inspiration on that one!), and this guy is definitely one of them. Have a watch and learn some amazingly cool stuff! Obviously there is the eponymous question of whether or not it's a good move to eat yourself, but there's also how your hair knows when to stop growing, what are those eye floaters and how much does wikipedia weigh? A really entertaining video that's only 7 minutes long, I urge you to watch! Just click the link above.
No really, click it.
Go on.
Click it.
It's right there.
Do it now.
Click it, come on!
What I've Been Reading
     1Q84 by Haruki Murakami
Still reading this badboy, but I'm almost half-way through it now and it's starting to get really interesting... Another moon has just appeared in the sky and the two main characters' backstory is getting really fleshed out and the links between them are becoming more and more clear... Also something that I can really recommend that you buy!


PS. If you enjoy my blog, please recommend it to a friend!

PPS. If you don't enjoy my blog, but read them out of some masochistic self-punishment, recommend it to someone you don't like!

And so, as the hair on my chin inexorably grows towards something not even remotely resembling an actual beard, and the clock on the wall ticks towards the inevitable doom of us all, I will end this blog.

Follow me on twitter:    @b_odwyer
Circle me on Google+:  +Bill O'Dwyer

Resolution Update

If you have no idea what my new year's resolutions are, and find yourself even having a modicum of care, go peruse my post about that, which can be found here.

So we're into March now, and I'm failing at most of my resolutions with the exception of the press-ups and Maia's lullaby...
I'm up to 66 press-ups per day, and it's get kind of gruelling, so I think I'm going to have to separate them out into clumps of thirty-something over the course of the day maybe. I'm quite keen to keep this one up, because it's giving me muscle definition that I've never experienced before!
Maia's lullaby is going fairly well, I've transcribed it into a bit of music-writing software so that I can tweak it more easily without a piano... It doesn't sound great played as MIDI, but it's a step up from just humming it to myself and trying to guess the right notes!

Let's see... Pride in my appearance is failing dramatically. I need a haircut, should probably shave this hideous growth on my chin into oblivion and I think I have spent more days unshowered than showered so far this year. I'll make more effort, oh gods of resolutions: I promise!
Practising Japanese is also going nowhere fast, despite my thinking to myself several times a day that I really ought to get some kind of system into place. So, in the interest of having a plan and sticking to it, I'm going to tell the Internet at large (not that large, the most views any one of my posts has received is about 50) that come the easter break (that's in about 12 days' time) I am going knuckle down, get myself a system together and stick to it. As the Internet, you have permission to punish me for not sticking to this promise.
Skills and hobbies... Well, I did sign up to a gym last week, but since then I haven't been back (planning to go this evening though). Also, I've found that playing Halo 4 online with a group of friends is considerably less depressing than playing it alone. Neither of these are really something interesting though, so I'll keep trying, shall I?

That's it, I'm signing off.
I'm not going to do a "What I've Been _______" this time, because this was just meant to be a quick update, and there's many more blogs in the pipeline!

Incidentally, I can recommend using an RSS reader so you can subscribe to all of your favourite blogs, and mine. I use google reader, and it's really quite useful - all of the posts of the blogs I read are collected into one place. If you do decide to use google reader, don't use the web-app as it's awful to use. Instead, use the android app as it's so much nicer!

Ciao for now.
xx

I've gotta theory...

I've no doubt in my mind, that since you're reading my blog, you are a highly intellectual and scientifically savvy sort of individual. You, therefore, do not need me expounding my theory on how to sort of explain solids, liquids and gases using concerts and can casually go about your business reading The Origin of Species or updating your own, superior blog with your most recent analytical thoughts about Doctor Faustus as being performed at the West Yorkshire Playhouse.

But, if you are feeling inclined to read on, perhaps do not prepare to be overwhelmed... But nor should you be underwhelmed. Perhaps, could you please be just whelmed?

Imagine you've gone to see your absolute favourite band in the whole wide world in concert (anybody who thought of Justin Bieber can stop reading: I will never be able to teach you anything). You are very excited to see them and you arrive with all of your friends so you can get a good position to see them from (because, obviously you are my sort of person and standing tickets are the only way to go).

First, however, you have to listen to two support acts...


Solid
The first support act is relatively unknown by most of the crowd (except for those strange lot who came to see just the first support act and will then quietly dissipate into the back of the room), but are not terrible. You watch them attentively, perhaps bopping your head to the catchy rhythm, but you and your group of friends with whom you're standing in a clump are content to do just that. Movement is out of the question: Your excitement is currently fairly low, so you don't really fancy exerting yourself.

You stick together, in your own little group and stay that way. You are fairly unexcited. You are a solid.

Liquid
The first act has finished and the roadies for the second act are setting up the stage. The room is filling and the CD playing generic tunes is playing in such a way that more or less entirely fails to catch your attention. The second band is a little more famous than the latter, and the excitement in the room builds collectively, perhaps a screaming teenage fan-girl is weeping with happiness. By and large, you're looking forward to the rest of the show now that you know what's in store. As the wait for the second act goes on, the excitement in the room increases, and people start to move to the front of the room, as close to the stage as they can. This of course, leads to much of the rest of the room following them: even if you don't care about the second band, you must be in a good position to see your favourite, and you don't want to be stuck behind everyone and their dogs. The band comes on and does their thing, and the late-comers trickle in and join the crowd too, getting as close to the front as they can, without trying to occupy the same space that I wouldn't allocate to a disproportionately large rat.

You and your friends have moved to the front of the room, along with everyone else. You are moderately excited. You have filled your container according to gravity (yes, in this analogy, the stage is the source of all gravity's power). You are a liquid.

Gas
The time has come! Your all time favouritest band of amazeballsness is just about to start playing and the excitement in the room explodes as the lights go down for their entrance onto the stage, and the pre-recorded entry music cuts through the screams of fans like a wire through so much cheddar. The band starts and the crowd goes wild, dancing and scream and moving.

You and your friends have likely been separated, hoping for a reunion at the bar after the show. You are so excited you think you might never be able to stop your face from contorting into that thing you call a smile. You and the rest of the crowd are bouncing off each other as you dance. The gravity of the stage has little or no power over you any more, and you move around like the headless chicken we all are and bounce off one another. You are a gas.


And so concludes today's lesson. For more questions or potentially ridiculous theories on how to explain sciencey stuff to nobody in particular, consult me through a comment below!


What I'm Listening To
     The Cloud Atlas Sextet by Tom Tykwer
I watched Cloud Atlas the other night and utterly loved it (it has been made clear to me that it has not yet been released in the UK, so do go watch it when it's on in the cinema). The film itself is a cocophony of confusion and interweaving characters and storylines. Complexity abounds but so too does beauty: the music from this film is emotive and powerful. This, then, is the music from my dream.
What I've Been Watching
     House M.D.
Yes, I'm still making my torturous way through the entirety of Hugh Laurie's most well-known role. I'm coming to the end of season 6 (and have indeed been stuck on the same episode for a number of days) and will soon be free to watch other things!
     Doctor Faustus at the West Yorkshire Playhouse
Ha, I bet you thought I wouldn't come back to that passing reference back up in the opening paragraph, didn't you! I went to see this last night (Monday) and very much enjoyed it. An Elizabethen play, set in the modern day (indeed, two of its four acts were put into mordern syntax) about a fellow who sells his soul to the devil for power and knowledge. I definitely want to see some other versions of it, but this one was fantastic as well. The ambiguity of the ending is fantastic, and was the source of much discussion amongst the group I went with (helpful hint: if you must go to see a classic play with two English Literature students, be prepared to have the crap analysed out of whatever you saw). £5 for an under-26 ticket and only about £12 for a normal one. Definitely worth a watch!
What I've Been Reading
     1Q84 by Haruki Murakami
A Christmas present from that red-coated old jelly-belly, which I am only about 11 chapters into. The book is slowly starting to reveal its nature and where the plot is going, but thus far I have come to adore both of the central characters and at least two of the slightly less central ones too. So far, it's an all out thumbs up from me... Thanks Santa!



PS. If you enjoy my blog, please recommend it to a friend!

PPS. If you don't enjoy my blog, but read them out of some masochistic self-punishment, recommend it to someone you don't like!

And as the small, grey squirrel of inexorability buries the sacred chestnuts of time, I realise it is time for me to depart these lands and toddle off towards something resembling sleep. Good night my pretties!

Is there a noun form of "generic"?

I wanted to call this post genericity, but that doesn't even look like a word, much less sound like one. So if anybody knows how to make a noun from the adjective generic, let me know in a comment!

So it's coming to the end of the first week of February, and I've been a very bad blogger this month.
Firstly, it's been over a month since my last post, and secondly, my last post was an angry tirade against one of my favourite blogs. For which I apologise.
It's troublesome finding stuff to write about, as I want to entertain, rather than just have a rant occasionally, or update the Internet at large as to what's new in my life. Because let's face it, of all the people whose blogs you would genuinely love to read, I am not amongst them. (Stephen Fry and Derren Brown instantly spring to mind, but there are likely to be more!)

Firstly, since it's the start of the month my resolutions update (if you don't know what mine are, have a look at my blog on that):

1. So far so good, there've been a few close shaves, but I've succeeded in doing my press-ups every day. I'm up to 38 now!

2. Thus far I've not done tons to look my best, and I do miss the occasional shower. On the whole, I don't think I've totally failed at this. Nor have I fully succeeded either.

3. I have not been practising Japanese anywhere near as much as I should be doing. And I keep telling myself I'm going to change it, but a lot of it involves being anti-social. Which I don't want to do.

4. Once again, I've done no work towards this except map out a few ideas in my head (I suppose that actually does count!).

5. A few years ago I decided I was going to learn how to write computer programs. I stopped very quickly but I'm going to start again soon. With the idea towards having more to talk about or making myself more interesting, programming is probably right up there with watching paint dry or licking windows. So I'll be looking for a few more.

I don't suppose trying to get 100% of the achievements for the Mass Effect trilogy counts, does it?

Beyond that little update that you all care about so, so much, I really don't have much to talk about... Which is a shame. Because I came at this with such optimism that I'd produce a thoroughly entertaining post! Oh well, there's always next time I suppose...

Something new that I'm going to try with each of my posts is the following:
What I'm Listening To
     All Along the Watchtower - Bear McCreary (Battlestar Galactica Soundtrack)
This is a really good version of the song most often wrongly attributed to Jimmie Hendrix - it's a Bob Dylan one folks! McCreary's version is really, really good and I can highly recommend it!
What I've Been Watching
     House M.D.
Watching House makes me both a bit happy and a bit sad. Happy because it's a brilliant bit of television and a really good evolution of Sherlock Holmes. A bit sad because it reminds me that at the moment I'm quite far from the path of fulfilling my dream of becoming a doctor. But more on that later!


Ciao for now!


PS. If you enjoy my blog, please recommend it to a friend!

PPS. If you don't enjoy my blog, but read them out of some masochistic self-punishment, recommend it to someone you don't like!

Toodle pip!

Tirade

I'm a big reader of tofugu.com, they're a really good fun source of information about Japan in general, as well as tips for studying and all sorts. However, they've enraged me somewhat with a recent blog entitled "5 Reasons You Shouldn't Major In Japanese (and 2 You Might Consider It)"

I began this blog post as a comment on Tofugu's post, but soon realised it was lengthier than my... *ahem* The point is, I felt that to get more people to read it (and indeed get them to read Tofugu's article) I should make it into my own blog post. So I put my keyboard-warrior helmet and sword on, and prepared a counter-blog.

It's probably advisable for you to read Tofugu's post before reading this one (or at least, have a quick skim so you can see what their points are), and it can be found here. 

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Sorry, but I'm inclined to disagree with all of these.

Studying alone is all well and good, but at some point you need somebody who can point out where you're going wrong and show you how to put it right. For language learning, it's simply not enough to self-study. Furthermore, the skill-level of the graduate massively depends on the student. People who've graduated from Leeds University, where I'm studying Japanese, have completed N1 at JLPT before even completing their final year. It's simply not fair to say that a degree in Japanese will produce incompetent speakers. I don't want to get into insults, but any lack of ability you have is down to you alone, and not the people who taught you. And if you were such a good student, that would mean that you self-studied a lot, right? Then why did your Japanese not benefit from all of your good-student-iness?

I can see where you're coming from saying that other languages are more useful, but in all fairness it's very subjective. Not everybody learns a language for the purposes of business, and you don't necessarily need to do a job that relates to your degree. I know lots of people who aren't studying Japanese for the purposes of business (it's most assuredly not the reason I'm learning it!), and I know a lot of people who went on to do jobs totally unrelated to their degrees (eg. Masters in `criminology, goes on to be a fireman. Work that one out!) I don't know about America, but certainly in England it is often enough to show that you have a degree to a prospective employer. If you're worried about the employability (or apparent lack thereof) that may or may not come from studying Japanese, you should attend careers fairs at your University, you should speak to careers advisers and you should get in touch with Alumni from your course. Find out what all your options are before making such sweeping generalisations as that.

The debt issue is something that I really want to talk about. Whilst I'm fairly certain that the system for paying off student debt in the UK is completely different that that in America, saying that you shouldn't do a particular degree because you'll get into an unspecific amount of debt (again, assuming that's the system in America: in the UK everyone has broadly the same amount) is like saying I won't make ramen because it'll make a load of washing up. Everybody will end up in debt at some point in their lives, and personally I think it's better to get into debt doing something that you enjoy, rather than something that may or may not be useful further down the line. In England, thanks to Nick Clegg and David Cameron, the cost of University tripled in September 2012. This means that the most a University can charge in tuition per year increased to around £9000, and the government withdrew much of the funding they provide. And yet, the intake of people into Leeds University to study Japanese is still notably high. At the age of 18, people shouldn't be worrying about debt to the point of choosing a different degree. I asked my personal tutor, and in the last five years or so, of the people graduating from Leeds University's East Asian Studies faculty, over 90% were employed within six months.  This is kind of tied in with my above response: you don't need to do something related to your degree for a career.

Now, I will agree that it's hard to learn Japanese and that it's certainly not for everyone. BUT, giving it as a reason not to try it at University is ridiculous. Physics is hard, law is hard, computer science is hard. And in exactly the same way, these subjects aren't for everybody. People should relish the chance to learn something because it's hard, because so much of education in this day and age is completely spoon-fed and overly easy. The challenge of Japanese, like you say, is the writing. But in learning the writing, you completely rewire your brain and have to learn to think in a completely different way, and THAT is something hugely beneficial to a prospective employer, or even to just learning something else. It shows that you can take this completely alien concept and wrap your head around it. 

The advice my Dad gave to me when I was little and didn't want to practise the piano because it was too hard was "If it was easy, everyone would do it." That is the single best piece of advice I have ever had, so thank you Dad - you are a wise man.

If you want to be like everybody else, give up when something's too hard. Don't bother sticking at it, because hey, you might fail. And then, when life gets to difficult, why don't you just not bother at that as well, you lazy, half-arsed fuck.

I will say at this stage, I have been luckier than most, to be learning Japanese in school since year 9 (that's the age of 13). And it was hard back then, and it's hard now. But guess what? I love it. I love the language, I love the country, I love the people I've met through learning Japanese, and I love the challenge that Japanese presents. 

So go drill a hole in your skull. Not doing something because it's hard is fucking dumb.

On to why Tofugu says that you should consider it then!

Anybody that's seen Harold and Kumar Go To Whitecastle will have heard the line "And if you're hung like a moose, it doesn't mean you should do porn." - Kal Penn (Kumar).

Being super good at something is no reason to do a degree in something. In fact, I would go so far as to say it's a good reason not to. How many times have we all thought "I'm good at this subject, so I don't need to revise for this exam" or something similar. If you're good at something and you know it, you're much more likely to get complacent and not work at it. I know this, I've been there and I'm still there: trying to learn new things is difficult because I don't remember the learning, all I remember is being good at them.

Don't go to University to do something just because "you're super good at it" - go to University because you want to. Go to learn who you are as a person. Go to get away from home, and learn to fend for yourself. Learn something completely different, and that little bit unusual. Because guess what? Doing a degree in something that you are already good at is not hard, it's easy. And we all know what I feel about that.

The final point of your post is good: combining a language with extra skills is always useful. The more marketable you can make yourself to employers the better, but sometimes even only a vague grasp of a language can be enough to set you apart from the crowd.

This article has really annoyed me, because a lot of people who might be wanting to study Japanese may well have just been put right off by the things you've said. You were quick to blame your education, when actually it might be you that's to blame for your Japanese ability. You were quick to say that there are little to no jobs available that involve Japanese, but at Leeds Uni there are whole days devoted to the careers one can choose after taking a degree in a language like Japanese. Will they all be related, or will you definitely use your Japanese in each and every one? No, but these people are actively seeking someone who has studied Japanese, Chinese, Thai, Arabic or any other of the so-called "hard" languages. Clearly, we have something that the French-speakers do not.

My point is, that your opinion on this matter is going to be read by an awful lot of people, and I think that you owe it to them to tell them that their education is what they make of it and if they choose to mess around and not work hard for however many years, then their Japanese (or any other ability they've gone to Uni for) will suffer.

My final argument (and then I'll be done, I swear) is that this post could apply to so many other degrees than Japanese, and not only that but with much more accuracy *cough*Philosophy*cough*. 

So anybody that read John's article that has been kind enough to read mine and stick with me all the way to the end, don't let him put you off. I love my Japanese degree. Yes I have my doubts, yes I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't have kept at trying to become a doctor. But this degree has been, is and will continue to be amazing. And if I come out of it £20,000 in debt, with no job prospects and no Japanese ability, and regretting not choosing an easier degree... Well, then I will come back and write an apology of equal or greater length than this endless rant of mine.

/rant

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Well, thanks for sticking with me on that one folks!

As an interesting, slightly embarrassing side note: the last essay I wrote was just under 3000 words in length and took me the best part of about twelve hours in total to write.

The post you have just read which is only about half the length, took me around an hour to write. Go figure.

Keyboard warrior helmet and sword have been removed, I can go back to revising for my Japanese exam tomorrow.

EDIT: I welcome all keyboard warriors to have their say in the comments below, or write a counter-blog of their own. I also welcome abuse via Google+ and occasionally Facebook. I will hand out my email only to those the blog is specifically about.

In some cases (I'm looking at you, Stephen Fry and/or Scarlett Johansson) I will even hand out a phone number.

EDIT: If anybody wants to read about what it's like to study Japanese, here's an article written for The Independent by a student in the year above me.