Friday, 15 March 2013

A Fiery Death on Evil Train Conductors

This began as a rant on the book of faces but quickly became too long. Enjoy.
Disclaimer, there are more than a few swears below...

Until you have seen a train that is so packed you cannot move to the extent that you don't need any kind of hand rail, and for about five consecutive stops lets on at least triple the amount of people that get off... Then and only then will you be able to say that your train is too crowded.
I don't care what crap you've been through today, I don't care what rules you have to follow: the door was open, there was space for at least another five people (who could've moved down the God damned train!) and you chose to be a pretty man and refuse me entry.
But do you know what? I can even understand why you did that. After all, every job has its awkward rules that we have to follow... But compounded by the fact that I was already late, clearly sprinting to get on the train and then refused entry; you've just earned yourself the top spot on my death list by saying "it's only half an hour until the next train, you can get on that one."
If I am running for a train at literally the fastest pace I can manage, with speed blur and general awesome in my wake, do you not think I have a GOOD FUCKING REASON TO BE ON THE TRAIN THAT IS NOW, NOT IN HALF AN HOUR?!
What if somebody I love had been in an accident and I needed to get to the hospital with all speed? What if I was heading for the job interview of my life? What if there was a deadly computer virus about to wipe out computers everywhere and I was the only one who could stop it?
The overwhelming odds are that none of these would be true, but if they were, on your head would it be, Mr arsehole conductor.
And maybe I was in the wrong, maybe I should've arrived in Leeds just a couple of minutes early?
No. I got to Leeds as fast as I could, riding a train that had been delayed by 8 minutes.
Northern Rail: get your fucking shit together.

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