Telling Tales

So I've been writing short stories and fiction generally for as long as I can remember. Ever since I was in secondary school, I would come up with ideas and begin to write them down. They always petered out though, as I would lose interest, or realise that the tale I was telling was just some blatant rip-off of another author's works.

More recently, University intervened and I haven't written anything in months. Now that I am done with higher education, and as yet still on the job market (not through lack of trying, let me assure you), I am returning my hands to the world of fiction. In truth, I have had the outline of a novel in my head for the better part of a few years now, but until recently had never tried to write any of it down. When I did, I was rather stunned to see that I'd lost my touch (if I ever had it) and could not write in a way which seemed compelling to me.

I took to the Internet, for where else does one turn when in a crisis? For the budding writer there are a vast amount of resources online with which to begin, track, compare, edit, and ultimately release a work of fiction (or, I suppose, non-fiction). There are websites brimming with advice on how to get started, and the most common piece of advice was write every day. Or if not every day, then at least (they advise) on a regular basis; set yourself some time aside regularly to do some writing. And then, write anything. It doesn't need to be good, it doesn't need to be pretty, just write.

So I'm doing just that. I'm going to set aside some time every week to plan, write, edit and publish a short story for the enjoyment of you lovely people out in Internet land. Where do you go to read these wonders marvels random bits of fiction, cobbled together from a very disordered mind? Just have a look at dontgotellingtales.blogspot.co.uk and you'll see my work. I can't promise that they'll be good, enjoyable, earth-shattering, compelling, or even particularly readable. But I can promise that they'll be regular, published every Sunday for the foreseeable future.

Enjoy!

B.

A Ramble in Two Parts

I was all too recently forced to survive for 36 hours without a stable Internet connection.
I know. Brutal, right?

It's the first-worldiest of first world problems, but that's a rant for another day. Today's blog will be a ramble in two parts.

Part the First: Addict
It was early afternoon on Saturday the 22nd March 2014, and the Internet suddenly gave up the ghost. We were without a connection. Oh, our phones displayed that glorious Wi-Fi signal symbol, but connect we could not. Forced to resort to conversation and casual gaming to stave off the inevitable end of all things, but no online interaction for us.
The hours ticked by, still no fix. Using paltry signal on a mobile Internet connection, we checked the status of Virgin broadband in the area and found it to be a problem throughout the area. The estimated fix time was midday on Sunday. We could survive. After all, we had company in the evening that could distract us from our disconnecty woes.
Sunday morning occurred in a bleary mess and still no Internet. The router is turned off, and the house is vacated in favour of the local greasy spoon. The router is turned back on upon return, and still nothing. It's after midday, and we had hoped it would be fixed by now. The Virgin team now say a fix should be available by the following day.
Resorting to cleaning the house before attempting to entertain ourselves without the use of the Internet, we make it to Monday, and University. What a blessing to have something with which to distract ourselves from the woes of disconnection. After returning home, in a final desperate attempt before demanding an engineer cure us of this disease-like state, I jiggle all of the wires and restart the router once more.

O! The blinking light!
The flickering blue star
That signals the return of
the book of faces
the endless video
the electronic mail
eldritch rants and o!
the status updates
link sharing and
communication
Thank you, blue star
For leading us to our destination

Or something less tortured and marginally more subtle.

I wrote a blog almost a year ago on the subject of being addicted to my smartphone and this experience threw into harsh relief the freedom that actually comes from not being connected to the Internet. Yes, it is embarrassing how many times I crossed my fingers and hoped that this time would be the time for the router to start working after a reboot. But in between those times, it is amazing how little I cared for the missing Internet.

Part the Second: Status
Not the type of status update that Facebook quietly, but incessantly asks us for at all times. But what comes from having the very best of possessions.
It is common knowledge that I don't use Windows or Mac because I don't believe in paying for operating systems and I am quite happy using Linux thank you very much. Anybody that wants to can read about that particular little tantrum here or just ask me about computers and watch in amusement as I explode with rage that everybody thinks that Windows is the only option *ahem* I'm back, sorry.

Today I was walking through the Leeds Student Union, happily eating my English breakfast pasty and getting crumbs everywhere. My jubilation at finally filling my stomach was torn to pieces by an overheard conversation by two people of the female type sitting at a table with their laptops out. Their laptops were Apple Macs, and I'm guessing on the newer side - they were very thin, shiny, metallic... and expensive looking. Take a look on the Apple website and notice that their cheapest offering in the laptop department; £849.
Now, this is not a tantrum about how awful Macs are, or that they are overpriced, or evangelism about why people shouldn't use the operating system. I have a lot of respect for the ecosystem, and a lot of good things have come from Apple in the past decade or so.

My issue is what I heard one of these girls saying to her friend:

"Oh, I only really use my computer for the Internet."

Fantastic. You've just spent the best part of one thousand pounds to buy one of the best computers available today and only use it to check Facebook and your emails. So why do you own it? Would not a cheaper computer have suited? Google make their Internet-dedicated chromebooks, why not get one of those? It would have cost you a quarter of the price and you could have spent the remaining £600 on something like driving lessons. Or a holiday.
I'm the last person to teach about being sensible with money. My idea of good business practise can't actually be written here in case a prospective employer reads this and sees that not only am I a raving lunatic but also have literally no idea how the economy works. Suffice it to say that I think right now the best place to invest in is Russia. Or Crimea.

What it eventually comes down to, surely, is that a Mac is a status symbol? People of my generation are familiar enough with computers and technology for the "it just works" argument to be so much dung. Maybe I just don't get it. But I'll give you another example of my startlingly acute business acumen: If I were in charge of selling Apple computers, I would require each customer to submit a usage plan for their new machine that they must stick to or else. That'll see 'em right.